Fotwandoss is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, ill-tempered octopus.

Fotwandoss created the planet Earth four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fotwandoss, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Fotwandoss, it will boil you in a big pot.

Fotwandoss' most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Fotwandoss' Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no sheep in a building before entering it.

2. Never bounce near great tits.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.