Yattcudmatnartrapbigvon is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, omnipotent narwhal.

Yattcudmatnartrapbigvon created matter nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yattcudmatnartrapbigvon, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Yattcudmatnartrapbigvon, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Yattcudmatnartrapbigvon's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Yattcudmatnartrapbigvon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not skip in public.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not stand on grass.