Garsadmat is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, impressive newt.

Garsadmat created an up quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Garsadmat, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Garsadmat, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Garsadmat's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Garsadmat's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not hurt hamsters.

3. Garsadmat loves monkeys, so they must be respected.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Hide from white seals for they are unholy.