Arpsterabtarplig is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, self-assured monkey.

Arpsterabtarplig created the world four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arpsterabtarplig, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Arpsterabtarplig, he will turn you into a worm.

Arpsterabtarplig's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Arpsterabtarplig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear purple clothing.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Arpsterabtarplig loves badgers, so they must be honoured.

4. Never write about moons.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.