Wotladcun Carnarvan is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, fussy jaguar.

Wotladcun Carnarvan created an electron two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wotladcun Carnarvan, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Wotladcun Carnarvan, he will turn you into a puffin.

Wotladcun Carnarvan's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Wotladcun Carnarvan's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Never think about gravity.

4. Snakes are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Retreat if eight ants approach from the north.