Vedsidgarbarnsan is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, tranquil narwhal.

Vedsidgarbarnsan created the planet Earth three million years ago.

If you believe in Vedsidgarbarnsan, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Vedsidgarbarnsan, he will boil you in a big pot.

Vedsidgarbarnsan's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Vedsidgarbarnsan's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Vedsidgarbarnsan.

4. Do not shave your legs.

5. Never pour water over plants.