Flig Zantiklab is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, fast zebra.

Flig Zantiklab created a charm quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Flig Zantiklab, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Flig Zantiklab, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Flig Zantiklab's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Flig Zantiklab's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always pray immersed in water.