Wotsaffon is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, awe-inspiring raccoon.

Wotsaffon created the planet Earth three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wotsaffon, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Wotsaffon, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Wotsaffon's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Wotsaffon's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not dye your hair fawn.

3. Never wear trousers.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not skip in public.