Batflagsandbapzan Jentenril is a god.

He takes the form of a small, bad-tempered elephant.

Batflagsandbapzan Jentenril created a top quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Batflagsandbapzan Jentenril, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Batflagsandbapzan Jentenril, he will torture you forever.

Batflagsandbapzan Jentenril's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Batflagsandbapzan Jentenril's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not shave your arms.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Do not wear nickel on your body.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.