Jarndanzen is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, humane hyena.

Jarndanzen created bats four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarndanzen, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Jarndanzen, it will not invite you to parties.

Jarndanzen's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Jarndanzen's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed aubergines to aardvarks while wearing white kilts.

2. You must never eat beans.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Jarndanzen must be the most important thing in your life.