Bapsafnad is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, stupid armadillo.

Bapsafnad created Mount Everest six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bapsafnad, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bapsafnad, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Bapsafnad's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Bapsafnad's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Feed all hungry turtles.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Do not hurt manatees.