Lapcudwat is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, able gnu.

Lapcudwat created snails three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lapcudwat, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Lapcudwat, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Lapcudwat's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Lapcudwat's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear white corsets.

2. Do not hurt dogs.

3. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Always stare at clouds.