Flatpadhin is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, vain swan.

Flatpadhin created the Andromeda Galaxy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Flatpadhin, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Flatpadhin, she will remove you from existence.

Flatpadhin's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Flatpadhin's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear fawn boots.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Turtles are not to be trusted.

4. Feed all hungry tapirs.

5. Do not cook food in pots.