Hatlabjen is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, sage tapir.

Hatlabjen created time and space two billion years ago.

If you believe in Hatlabjen, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hatlabjen, she will turn you into a sheep.

Hatlabjen's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Hatlabjen's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Always obey Hatlabjen's priests.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hatlabjen.

5. Run away if six snakes approach from the north.