Figcarbig is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, all-knowing tortoise.

Figcarbig created the Whirlpool Galaxy four years ago.

If you believe in Figcarbig, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Figcarbig, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Figcarbig's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Figcarbig's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if five gulls approach from the south.

2. Never write about black holes.

3. Feed all hungry bats.

4. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

5. Never sing in the presence of nematodes.