Gonxinnutt is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, fussy goblin.

Gonxinnutt created light seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gonxinnutt, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gonxinnutt, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Gonxinnutt's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Gonxinnutt's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Gonxinnutt.

2. Do not dye your hair green.

3. Always make sure there are no birds in a room before entering it.

4. Erect six copper sculptures of Gonxinnutt on top of important buildings.

5. Gonxinnutt loves ducks, so they must be honoured.