Botpakflan is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, bad-tempered dugong.

Botpakflan created the planet Saturn two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Botpakflan, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Botpakflan, it will turn you into a plant.

Botpakflan's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Botpakflan's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Do not drink water in brown rooms.

5. Do not kill seals.