Vonkwaddodlan is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, contented zebra.

Vonkwaddodlan created dark matter four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonkwaddodlan, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Vonkwaddodlan, it will refuse to believe in you.

Vonkwaddodlan's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Vonkwaddodlan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. You must never eat limes.

3. Never wear kilts.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.