Nabzimbat is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, merciless jellyfish.

Nabzimbat created time and space eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nabzimbat, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nabzimbat, it will torture you forever.

Nabzimbat's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Nabzimbat's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

2. Do not speak about grapes.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. You must pray to Nabzimbat six times a day.

5. Respect your elders.