Kenvanmif is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, witless spider.

Kenvanmif created the world eight million years ago.

If you believe in Kenvanmif, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Kenvanmif, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Kenvanmif's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Kenvanmif's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about planets.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Kenvanmif.

3. You must love Kenvanmif.

4. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a room before entering it.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.