Armyartlab is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, stupid bat.

Armyartlab created snails two billion years ago.

If you believe in Armyartlab, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Armyartlab, she will turn you into a hamster.

Armyartlab's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Armyartlab's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Always look after injured sheep.

4. Never wear fawn coats.

5. Always treat nematodes with great respect.