Teentomtag is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unthinking mink.

Teentomtag created the Sombrero Galaxy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Teentomtag, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Teentomtag, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Teentomtag's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Teentomtag's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your legs fawn.

2. Never think ill of sick badgers.

3. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a room before entering it.

4. Never wear coats.

5. You must never eat aubergines.