Laphogarn is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, tranquil scorpion.

Laphogarn created an atom eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Laphogarn, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Laphogarn, she will turn you into a worm.

Laphogarn's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Laphogarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Feed all hungry squirrels.

5. Never mention geese.