Fetyogxuc is a god.

He takes the form of a small, awe-inspiring parrot.

Fetyogxuc created life five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fetyogxuc, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Fetyogxuc, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Fetyogxuc's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Fetyogxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Fetyogxuc.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never look at comets.

5. Do not trade with those who eat apples.