Vab Tiksag is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, cheerful pig.

Vab Tiksag created the cosmos nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vab Tiksag, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Vab Tiksag, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Vab Tiksag's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Vab Tiksag's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in holy places.

2. Never eat cucumbers.

3. Always wear yellow.

4. Erect seven titanium sculptures of Vab Tiksag on top of important buildings.

5. Never pour water over plants.