Nilflampad is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, narcissistic owl.

Nilflampad created tapeworms eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nilflampad, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nilflampad, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Nilflampad's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Nilflampad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear zinc on your body.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Retreat if eight squirrels approach from the south.