Yakvilrenlak is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, pitiless manatee.

Yakvilrenlak created dark matter three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yakvilrenlak, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Yakvilrenlak, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Yakvilrenlak's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Yakvilrenlak's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. You must never eat figs.

3. Do not shave your head.

4. Feed all hungry hamsters.

5. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.