Gemzig is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, all-knowing unicorn.

Gemzig created the solar system four million years ago.

If you believe in Gemzig, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Gemzig, she will turn you into a mouse.

Gemzig's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Gemzig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Hide from blue sheep for they are unholy.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.