Cissgarquill is a god.

He takes the form of a large, unfair bat.

Cissgarquill created dark energy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cissgarquill, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Cissgarquill, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Cissgarquill's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Cissgarquill's Holy Commandments

1. Erect six silver sculptures of Cissgarquill on top of important buildings.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

4. Never skip in the presence of pigs.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.