Futcamarp Besshittargrill is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, egotistical narwhal.

Futcamarp Besshittargrill created the Virgo Supercluster two billion years ago.

If you believe in Futcamarp Besshittargrill, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Futcamarp Besshittargrill, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Futcamarp Besshittargrill's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Futcamarp Besshittargrill's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat limes.

2. Otters are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Hide if seven rats approach from the south.

4. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Always obey Futcamarp Besshittargrill's priests.