Sisrawmat Ponjadbaf is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, witless porpoise.

Sisrawmat Ponjadbaf created a strange quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sisrawmat Ponjadbaf, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Sisrawmat Ponjadbaf, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Sisrawmat Ponjadbaf's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Sisrawmat Ponjadbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat limes.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Do not eat corn.

4. Run away if nine sharks approach from the west.

5. Do not dye your hair indigo.