Tofingrut Hunpaktag is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, stupid wren.

Tofingrut Hunpaktag created oxygen three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tofingrut Hunpaktag, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Tofingrut Hunpaktag, he will turn you into a slug.

Tofingrut Hunpaktag's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Tofingrut Hunpaktag's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tofingrut Hunpaktag.