Honsawtipkop is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, selfish snail.

Honsawtipkop created light three million years ago.

If you believe in Honsawtipkop, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Honsawtipkop, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Honsawtipkop's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Honsawtipkop's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never hurt sheep.

4. Never think about cell theory.

5. Never play with disobedient children.