Captonlarp is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, merciful zebra.

Captonlarp created the planet Saturn three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Captonlarp, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Captonlarp, he will throw large rocks at you.

Captonlarp's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Captonlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Captonlarp must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.