Kiklarpjarn is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, benevolent bear.

Kiklarpjarn created dark energy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kiklarpjarn, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Kiklarpjarn, he will cry a lot.

Kiklarpjarn's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Kiklarpjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Kiklarpjarn.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Run away if three ducks approach from the east.