Zogkamjin is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, fast salamander.

Zogkamjin created the Tadpole Galaxy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zogkamjin, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Zogkamjin, he will send minions to preach to you.

Zogkamjin's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Zogkamjin's Holy Commandments

1. Zogkamjin must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Run away if five ducks approach from the east.

3. Feed all hungry tortoises.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never eat beans.