Hivstaffot is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, prudent jellyfish.

Hivstaffot created humankind eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hivstaffot, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hivstaffot, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Hivstaffot's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Hivstaffot's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never sit in the presence of dogs.

4. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Hivstaffot on top of all buildings.

5. Never laugh near ants.