Garstig is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, selfish raven.

Garstig created life six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Garstig, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Garstig, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Garstig's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Garstig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Feed all hungry hamsters.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.