Abhaskan is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, self-assured bear.

Abhaskan created life seven million years ago.

If you believe in Abhaskan, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Abhaskan, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Abhaskan's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Abhaskan's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Always make sure there are no foxes in a building before entering it.

4. Erect a large lead sculpture of Abhaskan on top of all buildings.

5. Never feed carrots to dogs while wearing mauve trousers.