Barnkapyam is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, uncaring hedgehog.

Barnkapyam created the world seven million years ago.

If you believe in Barnkapyam, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Barnkapyam, it will jump up and down on your head.

Barnkapyam's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Barnkapyam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Run away from cyan ducks, for they are unholy.

5. Always help sick great tits.