Vadpakneg is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, cheerful guinea pig.

Vadpakneg created humanity nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vadpakneg, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Vadpakneg, it will turn you into a worm.

Vadpakneg's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Vadpakneg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Vadpakneg's name in vain.

2. Never wear purple corsets.

3. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a building before entering it.

4. Never think about gravity.

5. Never write about cell theory.