Besstalpid is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, egotistical grasshopper.

Besstalpid created a photon twelve years ago.

If you believe in Besstalpid, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Besstalpid, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Besstalpid's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Besstalpid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Never think ill of sick gulls.

3. Never go into brown rooms.

4. You must pray to Besstalpid seven times a day.

5. Besstalpid loves sharks, so they must be honoured.