Flatmitfag is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, dishonest monkey.

Flatmitfag created an electron two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flatmitfag, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Flatmitfag, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Flatmitfag's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Flatmitfag's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not dye your hair magenta.

4. Flatmitfag loves horses, so they must be honoured.

5. Never sing in holy places.