Jopnelsid is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, resourceful manatee.

Jopnelsid created a down quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopnelsid, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jopnelsid, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Jopnelsid's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Jopnelsid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Put Jopnelsid first in all things.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Jopnelsid must be the most important thing in your life.