Futkenboss is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, unselfish monkey.

Futkenboss created Mount Everest seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Futkenboss, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Futkenboss, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Futkenboss' most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Futkenboss' Holy Commandments

1. Always help grasshopers.

2. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never eat cherries.

5. Never think about gravity.
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