Veenjiplanshav is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, caring goblin.

Veenjiplanshav created humankind eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Veenjiplanshav, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Veenjiplanshav, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Veenjiplanshav's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Veenjiplanshav's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Veenjiplanshav loves eagles, so they must be honoured.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.