Tinkadquaf is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, self-confident tapir.

Tinkadquaf created Europe four years ago.

If you believe in Tinkadquaf, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tinkadquaf, he will have a low opinion of you.

Tinkadquaf's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Tinkadquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick swans.

2. Retreat if six dogs approach from the east.

3. Do not eat peanuts.

4. Always look after injured manatees.

5. Respect your elders.