Metkenwotvag Tailhonwee Ratmatgar is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, blissful seal.

Metkenwotvag Tailhonwee Ratmatgar created the world two million years ago.

If you believe in Metkenwotvag Tailhonwee Ratmatgar, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Metkenwotvag Tailhonwee Ratmatgar, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Metkenwotvag Tailhonwee Ratmatgar's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Metkenwotvag Tailhonwee Ratmatgar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about carrots.

2. Birds are not to be trusted.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Metkenwotvag Tailhonwee Ratmatgar.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.