Jabhinxuctal is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, selfish coyote.

Jabhinxuctal created the Whirlpool Galaxy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Jabhinxuctal, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jabhinxuctal, it will refuse to believe in you.

Jabhinxuctal's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Jabhinxuctal's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Put Jabhinxuctal first in all things.

3. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Jabhinxuctal.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.