Nart is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, omnipotent donkey.

Nart created viruses eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nart, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Nart, he will turn you into a mouse.

Nart's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Nart's Holy Commandments

1. Nart must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Run away from indigo nematodes, for they are unholy.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Nart.

5. Do not cook food in pots.